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I had a really great heart to heart talk with Carl earlier tonight. It was his birthday.  He informed me that numerous people have come to him asking what can they do to help this current situation I am in with the wife. 

It’s hard.  It’s really hard.  I feel so insane regarding this.  Kristen and I already lost everything in Hurricane Katrina.  We got used to  recalling a memory and referencing a photograph and then remember that we don’t have it any more.  Yearbooks, books, CDs, all gone.  Maybe we should have looked for professional help four years ago.  Maybe I should have been more agressive with my discomfort with her vodka consumption.  Is this all my fault?  Did I not help her enough?  She had already been through a traumatic adolescence but what was my responsibility?  I’m not sure and I don’t know. 

If life was fair I wouldn’t have met the amazing people I currently know.  Carl, Claire, Rog, and the countless others have offered all but the deeds to their houses to me in this horrid situation.

As a performer I must crave attention but the attention I don’t want is the kind linked to the pity attention.  I don’t know and I am confused.

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